None of my doctors have ever used the term "widow maker" because doctors don't like to scare their patients. Instead they just told me that my blockage was in the LAD or left anterior descending artery. I, of course, did a google search for LAD blockage a few weeks after my heart attack. This is the first time I saw the term "widow maker." Let me just say that reading about it is far scarier than the term itself. I am going to give you a brief over view of that artery, what it does, and why it is so dangerous. This is just based on research that I have done myself.
There are three arteries that run over the surface of the heart and supply it with blood. There is one on the right side and two on the left. The one on the right side is the right coronary. On the left there is the left anterior descending and the left circumflex. The left anterior descending supplies the front and mail wall of the heart and the left circumflex supplies the side. So when there is a blockage in the beginning of the LAD it cuts off blood flow to the rest of the artery. That means that the whole front wall of the heart is cut off from it's blood supply. As far as heart attacks go, that is the big one.
From what I have read, when there is a blockage in an artery, the heart muscle stops working within minutes. If the blood flow is not restored within minutes to hours, the muscle typically dies. Now that being said, I did not have the blockage removed for almost 24 hours after the onset of symptoms. Luckily, my blockage was smaller. The doctor never gave me an exact percentage of the blockage, but we know it wasn't a complete block. If it had been, I probably wouldn't be here right now. In fact, most people don't even make it to the hospital with that type of blockage. They just suddenly die. The survival rate for a "widow maker" is only 5-10%. That means that only one out of every ten people that suffer that heart attack survives. To say that I am lucky is an understatement.
I know that I am lucky. I don't always feel that way, but I am. Since December I have just been trying to get my mind around what happened. It is not easy to describe how my life has changed. Almost everything about me has changed. Not always for the better either. I am trying really hard to focus on living and enjoying every moment, but the fear that I have developed can sometimes be paralyzing. I am trying to conquer as many fears as I can. Almost dying at 33 definitely threw me for a loop. Once the initial shock wore off, the fear settled in. It is hard to explain, but I am afraid of the most average things that most people don't even think about.
I was afraid to drive for the longest time. I made my husband drive me around a lot. I eventually made myself drive again. I have almost been in a few accidents (people pulling out in front of me or running stop signs) and it makes me not want to drive again, but than I realize that I am not going to be any safer with someone else driving and I suck it up. If you let fear determine what you do in life, you won't do anything. I have discovered so many things to be scared of and most of the time there is nothing you can do to make it less scary. You can face those fears head on or you can let the fear take over. I am choosing to face my fear and by doing so I hope to get back to having a normal life.
If anyone is interested in learning more about the widow maker follow this link:
http://myheart.net/articles/the-widowmaker/
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Anger
I can't tell you when the anger started. I don't know if it came on gradually or if it was sudden. I do remember when I became aware of it. I was at my first solo doctors appointment and she was trying to convince me to take the anti-anxiety medication she prescribed. She said that depression was common in young people who suffer a heart attack. What I was feeling was "normal." I was so furious. I just wanted to scream. Nothing was normal.
It is not normal for a 33 year old woman to have a heart attack. It is not normal to have to take about a pharmacy's worth of medication every day. It is not normal to be exhausted all the time. It is not normal to be scared that I might die at any time. It is not normal to get winded from the simplest things, like walking up one flight of stairs. Every day brings a new nightmare for me to deal with and I am doing it alone.
My anger has fluctuated over the last 8 months, but it never goes away. It's always there, just under the surface, waiting to rear it's ugly head. There are times that I find myself getting angry over the dumbest stuff. Stuff that normally wouldn't bother me. I realize it after the fact, but in the moment I just react. My husband has been on the receiving end of that rage quite a bit. I always apologize later, but I still feel awful.
It's just really hard to watch other people my age doing all this wonderful stuff and I can't even exercise without my doctors' permission. I got sick a few months ago and I couldn't take anything to help alleviate the symptoms. Every label read, "If you take blood thinners or have heart problems, consult your doctor." The simplest things, like vitamins, have this warning. I can't make any decision without checking with a doctor. It is ridiculous and frustrating. I am so scared to see what is going to happen if I get the flu or something.
It is also frustrating dealing with Cardiologists. They are the worst. I was prescribed a blood thinner, aspirin, cholesterol meds, and blood pressure meds when I left the hospital. I have never really taken a lot of medication so being put on all of those meds at once was quite a shock to the system. I quickly learned that I am one of those lucky people that get almost all of the wonderful side effects of the medications.
I started cardiac rehab in February and the side effects of the medication started about that time. The nurse that was in charge of rehab set the goal of me losing 10 pounds over 8 weeks. Pretty much had the opposite happen. I gained about 11 pounds and my legs were swelling like crazy. She sent me to see my cardiologist who told me I have sleep apnea (What?!) and gave me a water pill. That pill did nothing but make me feel gross and my legs kept swelling. So I made an appointment with my family doctor. We talked and I told her what was going on and that I had done a little research and the side effects for my blood pressure medicine were......You guessed it, swelling of the hands and legs, unexplained weight gain, and fatigue. Ding ding, I think we have a winner. She changed the meds and the swelling went away in about a week. I was still tired and still not losing weight, but I had conquered one problem.
My doctor also decided to do a full blood workup to see what else could be going on. We discovered that I had become insulin resistant. Which is a nice way of saying pre-diabetic. The funny part was that my sugar and insulin was normal in May and high in June. She did a little research and found out that my cholesterol medication (Atorvastatin) has recently been found to cause sugar problems and diabetes, especially in women. She cut the dose in half and a month later, my sugar and insulin had come way down. They are still not normal, but they are way better than they were. I have lost 10 lbs. and I get my sugar checked again in a couple of weeks.
Of course my new cardiologist (I fired the sleep apnea guy) thinks that statin medications are the greatest thing ever and doesn't want to take me off of them. I have news for her. I will not take a medication that is going to give me diabetes. It is not going to happen. If it comes down to maybe someday I might have another heart attack versus for sure diabetes, I am going to avoid diabetes. Seems like a no brainer to me, but what do I know? After all, I didn't go to med school. I just used my common sense.
It is not normal for a 33 year old woman to have a heart attack. It is not normal to have to take about a pharmacy's worth of medication every day. It is not normal to be exhausted all the time. It is not normal to be scared that I might die at any time. It is not normal to get winded from the simplest things, like walking up one flight of stairs. Every day brings a new nightmare for me to deal with and I am doing it alone.
My anger has fluctuated over the last 8 months, but it never goes away. It's always there, just under the surface, waiting to rear it's ugly head. There are times that I find myself getting angry over the dumbest stuff. Stuff that normally wouldn't bother me. I realize it after the fact, but in the moment I just react. My husband has been on the receiving end of that rage quite a bit. I always apologize later, but I still feel awful.
It's just really hard to watch other people my age doing all this wonderful stuff and I can't even exercise without my doctors' permission. I got sick a few months ago and I couldn't take anything to help alleviate the symptoms. Every label read, "If you take blood thinners or have heart problems, consult your doctor." The simplest things, like vitamins, have this warning. I can't make any decision without checking with a doctor. It is ridiculous and frustrating. I am so scared to see what is going to happen if I get the flu or something.
It is also frustrating dealing with Cardiologists. They are the worst. I was prescribed a blood thinner, aspirin, cholesterol meds, and blood pressure meds when I left the hospital. I have never really taken a lot of medication so being put on all of those meds at once was quite a shock to the system. I quickly learned that I am one of those lucky people that get almost all of the wonderful side effects of the medications.
I started cardiac rehab in February and the side effects of the medication started about that time. The nurse that was in charge of rehab set the goal of me losing 10 pounds over 8 weeks. Pretty much had the opposite happen. I gained about 11 pounds and my legs were swelling like crazy. She sent me to see my cardiologist who told me I have sleep apnea (What?!) and gave me a water pill. That pill did nothing but make me feel gross and my legs kept swelling. So I made an appointment with my family doctor. We talked and I told her what was going on and that I had done a little research and the side effects for my blood pressure medicine were......You guessed it, swelling of the hands and legs, unexplained weight gain, and fatigue. Ding ding, I think we have a winner. She changed the meds and the swelling went away in about a week. I was still tired and still not losing weight, but I had conquered one problem.
My doctor also decided to do a full blood workup to see what else could be going on. We discovered that I had become insulin resistant. Which is a nice way of saying pre-diabetic. The funny part was that my sugar and insulin was normal in May and high in June. She did a little research and found out that my cholesterol medication (Atorvastatin) has recently been found to cause sugar problems and diabetes, especially in women. She cut the dose in half and a month later, my sugar and insulin had come way down. They are still not normal, but they are way better than they were. I have lost 10 lbs. and I get my sugar checked again in a couple of weeks.
Of course my new cardiologist (I fired the sleep apnea guy) thinks that statin medications are the greatest thing ever and doesn't want to take me off of them. I have news for her. I will not take a medication that is going to give me diabetes. It is not going to happen. If it comes down to maybe someday I might have another heart attack versus for sure diabetes, I am going to avoid diabetes. Seems like a no brainer to me, but what do I know? After all, I didn't go to med school. I just used my common sense.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Denial
I have never been so happy to be home. Hospitals are awful. The food was gross and inedible. I didn't eat for the better part of two days. When I got home, I slept, a lot. For the first week or two I took three naps a day and then still slept at night. I guess you could call it sleep. I would wake several times a night in a panic. Have you ever had that dream where you are about to fall out of bed and you jerk back and wake up with your heart racing? That is how it felt, but it was several times a night. That went on for about a month before it finally calmed down.
I was also sent home with a very long list of things I was not supposed to do. I was not allowed to lift more than 10 lbs., no pushing or pulling, no baths, no bending, stooping, or straining, no excessive stair climbing (that one was fun, our only bathroom is upstairs), no violent coughing (like you could help it if you had to), no sex until I see a cardiologist (6 weeks later), and go on a heart healthy diet aka the no flavor diet. I also had to monitor my blood pressure, take my temperature and weight every day, and watch for a very long list of things that could go wrong. It was tons of fun.
My husband tried to be helpful while I was off work, but I wanted to get back to normal as fast as I could. I didn't want to admit that it had happened and I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't tell anyone what had happened. I hate to say that I was embarrassed, but I was. I can't explain it, but I was embarrassed. I couldn't even go shopping without needing to take a break or two before we were done. It was horrible realizing that my whole life had just changed without any warning.
I lost a lot when I had my heart attack. It was really hard trying to deal with everything that was going on and I just shut down. I just wanted to go back to normal, but my body wouldn't let me. The doctor that discharged me, put me off of work for three weeks. I went back to work on January 5th and I quickly realized it was too soon. I couldn't make it a whole day and had to leave early every day. I finally saw my doctor on the 8th and she put me back off for another three weeks.
She tried to give me anti-anxiety medication to help me relax and sleep, but they made me feel worse. She also suggested I go to therapy. Apparently younger people that have heart attacks really struggle afterwards. I would guess it is because it comes out of nowhere. One day you are fine and the next you almost die. It's a lot to take in. I never did go to therapy. I just kept trying to ignore that it had happened.
You never know how you are going to react in any situation until it happens to you. We all like to think about what we would do, but you never really know until it happens. I had always figured I would probably develop cancer at an early age and I thought I was prepared for the fight, but this took me by surprise. You can't fight a heart attack. If you are lucky enough to survive it, the road back is long and extremely hard. I am lucky that I survived and I know that, but that doesn't make things easier. They say that time heals all wounds, but I am still waiting.
I was also sent home with a very long list of things I was not supposed to do. I was not allowed to lift more than 10 lbs., no pushing or pulling, no baths, no bending, stooping, or straining, no excessive stair climbing (that one was fun, our only bathroom is upstairs), no violent coughing (like you could help it if you had to), no sex until I see a cardiologist (6 weeks later), and go on a heart healthy diet aka the no flavor diet. I also had to monitor my blood pressure, take my temperature and weight every day, and watch for a very long list of things that could go wrong. It was tons of fun.
My husband tried to be helpful while I was off work, but I wanted to get back to normal as fast as I could. I didn't want to admit that it had happened and I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't tell anyone what had happened. I hate to say that I was embarrassed, but I was. I can't explain it, but I was embarrassed. I couldn't even go shopping without needing to take a break or two before we were done. It was horrible realizing that my whole life had just changed without any warning.
I lost a lot when I had my heart attack. It was really hard trying to deal with everything that was going on and I just shut down. I just wanted to go back to normal, but my body wouldn't let me. The doctor that discharged me, put me off of work for three weeks. I went back to work on January 5th and I quickly realized it was too soon. I couldn't make it a whole day and had to leave early every day. I finally saw my doctor on the 8th and she put me back off for another three weeks.
She tried to give me anti-anxiety medication to help me relax and sleep, but they made me feel worse. She also suggested I go to therapy. Apparently younger people that have heart attacks really struggle afterwards. I would guess it is because it comes out of nowhere. One day you are fine and the next you almost die. It's a lot to take in. I never did go to therapy. I just kept trying to ignore that it had happened.
You never know how you are going to react in any situation until it happens to you. We all like to think about what we would do, but you never really know until it happens. I had always figured I would probably develop cancer at an early age and I thought I was prepared for the fight, but this took me by surprise. You can't fight a heart attack. If you are lucky enough to survive it, the road back is long and extremely hard. I am lucky that I survived and I know that, but that doesn't make things easier. They say that time heals all wounds, but I am still waiting.
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